Has someone close to you ever withheld some potentially scary information until it was resolved? For instance, when I was in Italy, my dad was being tested for prostate cancer… and I had NO idea. You know, not until he told me everything was okay when he visited me in Rome. On top of feeling so PHYSICALLY far from home that semester, I felt out of the loop, I felt far from my family. I mean, I didn’t even know my dad was having some wonky test results and could have had cancer!
Today my mom sent me an email: “Call me when you get home from work.” She and I hadn’t talked in over a week, which is REALLY unusual. I just figured she was busy, I was busy, blah blah blah. I called her on my drive home… she informed me that she had had a questionable mammogram last week, went in for a few more tests, was told she had nodules, spoke to a radiologist, and PHEW, JUST KIDDING, no breast cancer.

Am I wrong for feeling …off about these situations? Would I want to know right of the bat if something is wrong? Would I want to worry, lose sleep, lose concentration? Probably not… but I want to know when my parents are dealing with shit, you know? Cancer isn’t anything to sneeze at.

Now both my parents have to go in for regular check ups on their respective organs just to make sure. I think my dad takes some meds, but he doesn’t talk about it… he’s sort of awkward discussing his prostate health with his daughter. Understood.

And on top of that, I had a hair appointment tonight. I finally found a salon out here and made an appt. My stylist was super duper sweet and I highly recommend the place. Aveda always does a great job. But I realized something — I left the salon giddy as a school girl… not just because I got my hair cut but also because I had just spent an hour chatting it up with a girl MY AGE. Someone who relates to me! Someone who doesn’t judge when I begin sentences with “OMG!” Someone who gushes about wedding details! Someone who understands streaky self tanner! Granted, I’m sort of paying her to be my fake friend… but it’s incredible to realize how much I crave FEMALE COMPANIONSHIP my age. The fiance is all sorts of wonderful and I LOVE HIM TO PIECES but I miss my girls. I miss giggling, smack talking, gossiping, and being girly. So maybe I tipped the stylist more than I would have just because I enjoyed the conversation. And yeah, that makes me feel off, too.

Last but not least, I feel really really off when the fiance is playing Mario Kart next to me, yells about Peach being in first, asks me how to avoid red shells, and I snap back, “Honey, I don’t care, I’m writing.” Now I feel awful because I snapped at him and all I’m doing is updating my stupid blog.

I think it’s my bed time. What happened to staying up til 2am, stumbling to 10am class, napping in the afternoon, dragging myself to an evening class, and staying up til 2 again? College, I miss you hard right now.

I swear, if I write another pity party post, I’m going to start yet another new blog. This shit has GOT to stop. I promise my life isn’t all gloom and doom… but snapping at the fiance really brought me down. Sigh. When I’m super happy though, I just don’t have time to sit down and blog… I want to be in the moment. I owe it to myself because those bright, shiny moments always seem to happen on borrowed time.


I want a girlie weekend.

The boy has been playing video games with his childhood best friend in our living room since yesterday evening. They’ve eaten all the junk food in the house. They took a trip to Circuit City and who knows where else while I was out to dinner. Tomorrow they’re going to the auto show.

Admittedly, I’m jealous.

Sure, tonight I had a nearly four hour dinner with two of my fabulous blogger friends. It’s not that I don’t love Thai food or white sangria or THEM… it’s the fact that I left the apartment 24 hours into their guys’ weekend and I came home to more than 24 more hours of guys’ weekend still to go. It’s not that I feel left out. I’m so so so glad the boy gets the opportunity to have an entire weekend with his friend. He deserves some guy time, especially after having to deal with my bras hanging on our door and the potent air fresheners I like to use and the hair products all over the sink and the pink makeup bag that’s made its home on the dining room table… (Yes, I can be hyper feminine…)

I’m just… jealous.

I wish my besties could visit for a whoooole weekend. I wish the boy would fix us dinner Friday night (I made these boys delicious tacos) and then move out of the way. I wish we could be left to our own devices for an entire weekend, just me and the girls. I wish we could wander the mall and not discuss dwindling funds. I wish we could go out for fruity drinks with umbrellas and not discuss the calories. I wish we could go to a fashion show in the city or spend an afternoon getting our nails done. I wish we could blare trendy music in the car with the windows down and sing along like we’re the only ones on the road. I wish we could end up at a bar wearing skinny jeans and shirts low enough that they toe the line of acceptable. I wish we could watch stupid movies and make fun of the characters while we pour ourselves another glass of wine. I wish we could finish the night eating ice cream out of the tub.

I guess I wish I were still at my women’s college. I’m sort of craving estrogen.

I haven’t had quality time with my boy in awhile but it’s my girls that I’m really missing tonight.